Marshall Goldsmith: How to Really Listen

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div id="narrowArticleHeaderContainer" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <figure class="panographic-image inc_editable_area ArticleMainFigure imageLoaded" data-editable-area-class="ArticleMainFigureArea" id="panographic-image-a" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 16px -28px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="picture inc_editable inc_editable_image" data-content-id="59996" data-content-type="article" data-editor-class="ImageEditor" data-editor-label="Main Image" data-fieldname="image" data-parent-id="wrappercontainer" id="articleheaderimage" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: left; vertical-align: top;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">     </span><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit;"><b>Are you really listening, or just waiting to talk? This is the way to do it right.</b></span></div> <div id="sponsorlogo" style="border: 0px; float: right !important; margin: 5px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: right; vertical-align: baseline; z-index: 99;"> </div> <div class="PageShareContainer" id="PageShareContainerUpper" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 15px 0px; text-align: start; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="ShareBox PageShareBox" id="ShareBox-576" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline;"> </div> </div> <div class="picture inc_editable inc_editable_image" data-content-id="59996" data-content-type="article" data-editor-class="ImageEditor" data-editor-label="Main Image" data-fieldname="image" data-parent-id="wrappercontainer" id="articleheaderimage" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: left; vertical-align: top;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><img src="http://www.inc.com/uploaded_files/image/970x450/headphones-1940x900_36352.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 668px;" /> <span class="smallest small-between-medium" data-src-x2="http://www.inc.com/uploaded_files/image/640x290/headphones-1940x900_36352.jpg" data-src="http://www.inc.com/uploaded_files/image/640x290/headphones-1940x900_36352.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><span class="medium large" data-src-x2="http://www.inc.com/uploaded_files/image/970x450/headphones-1940x900_36352.jpg" data-src="http://www.inc.com/uploaded_files/image/970x450/headphones-1940x900_36352.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span></span></div> </figure></div> <div id="toppromo" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </div> <div class="bodycopy inc_editable_area" data-editable-area-class="EditableArea" id="bodycopy" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; min-width: 20px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="article-page-body inc_editable" data-content-id="59996" data-content-type="article" data-editor-class="InlineTextEditor" data-editor-label="Body" data-fieldname="inc_clean_text" id="article-page-body" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; min-width: 20px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: top;"> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">In her book My Life in Leadership, Frances Hesselbein, former CEO of the Girl Scouts, CEO of The Frances Hesselbein Leadership Institute, and one of the greatest leaders I've ever met, wrote one of the best descriptions of listening and leadership I've ever read:</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Listening is an art. When people are speaking, they require our undivided attention. We focus on them; we listen very carefully. We listen to the spoken words and the unspoken messages. This means looking directly at the person, eyes connected; we forget we have a watch, just focusing for that moment on that person. It's called respect, it's called appreciation - and it's called leadership." </span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Let's explore this art of listening a bit further. Did you know that 80 percent of our success in learning from other people is based on how well we listen? In other words, our success or failure is determined before we do anything. What escapes most people is they think listening is passive. They think they are supposed to just sit there and "hear someone out." If you re-read Frances' description, you'll notice there is nothing passive about it. It is active and powerful. Good listeners know this. They regard listening as a highly active process.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So what do good (active) listeners do? In essence they do three things: They think before they speak; they listen with respect; and they are always gauging their response by asking themselves, "Is it [responding] worth it?"</span></div> <ol style="border: 0px; list-style: disc; margin: 8px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; list-style: decimal outside none; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Think before you speak: What do most of us do when we're upset? We talk. When we're confused, surprised, shocked? Talk. However, listening is a two-part process. During one part, we listen. During the other, we speak. What we say is proof of how well we've listened.</span></li> <li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; list-style: decimal outside none; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Listen with respect: To learn from people you have to listen to them with respect. This means engaging the speaker with your eye contact and body language, showing that you are interested in what they are saying, so that you can keep learning from what they are saying.</span></li> <li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; list-style: decimal outside none; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Ask yourself, "Is it worth it?": Listening also requires answering this difficult question before you speak. A good way to make sense of this question is to realize that you are in effect taking the age-old question of self-interest, "What's in it for me?" one step further and asking, "What's in it for her?"</span></li> </ol> <div class="inlinevideo" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="inline-player-wrap" id="inctv-player-1" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: 0px; margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 30px 0px 360px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="kWidgetIframeContainer" id="inline_kaltura_player_1" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: 390px; left: 0px; margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 640px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><iframe class="mwEmbedKalturaIframe" id="inline_kaltura_player_1_ifp" name="inline_kaltura_player_1_ifp" scrolling="no" style="border-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: 390px; margin: 0px; max-height: 100%; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 640px;"></iframe></span></div> </div> <h2 class="inlinevideoheadline" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 8px 0px 8px 125px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Marshall Goldsmith: You Need to Lead at Home too</span></span></h2> <div class="inline-player-color-notch" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: 3px; margin: 8px 0px 30px 125px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 14px;"> </div> </div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">You've heard me say it many times over, this is pretty simple stuff, but it's not easy. If you try listening actively and with respect you'll be amazed at how much better things get. So many of our interpersonal problems at work stem from not listening and not thinking before we speak. You say something - I get mad. I lash out, and within seconds we have a crisis of miscommunication on our hands that can stop teams, departments, and organizations from functioning well.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">It doesn't matter if we're talking about the weather or the latest techie gadget, the content is totally irrelevant. What matters is how easily we can slip into small behavioral patterns that create friction in the workplace--and how just as easily we can assume behavioral patterns that don't create friction. Really, it's up to us. We can choose to practice simple disciplines like thinking before speaking, listening with respect, and asking "Is it worth it?" at work. It's not that difficult, we just need to do it.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">For those of you who want to change for the better in this area, try to do the following techniques during your next interpersonal encounter. Keep practicing. You will reap amazing benefits!</span></div> <div> <br /></div> <ul style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100% !important; border: 0px; font-family: Vollkorn, 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"></ul> </div> </div> </div>

Marshall Goldsmith: How to Really Listen

      Are you really listening, or just waiting to talk? This is the way to do it right.   In her book My Life in Leadersh...

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