Quarreling during Courtship, Long Courtship and Confusion in who to Marry: What's your view?

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>There are questions that came up during a session (seminar) for young people and the convener or host brought it for people to share their views. </b></span><br /> <img alt="Reasons Drinking Wine Is Good for You" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1887" height="333" src="http://womanitely.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Reasons-Drinking-Wine-Is-Good-for-You.jpg?e343f1" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" width="500" /><br /> <div> <br /></div> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Her are the questions; </span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">JUST SHARE IN THIS......... Some Questions came up in our last seminar. </span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">1.Why do some sisters carry list of 4 or 5 names to a minister/counselor to pray for her to choose one? Cann't she recognise d 'bone of her bone' as Adam did in Gen 2v23-25? Why is she confused?</span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span> <br /> <div class="_5pbx userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" style="overflow: hidden;"> <div style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); display: inline;"> 2. Can u court for 5 or 6years b4 marriage?</div> </div> <div class="_5pbx userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" style="overflow: hidden;"> <div style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); display: inline;"> <br /> 3.What causes quarrels in courtship? Is it a sign dat God is not in it?<br /> Pls u can comment on any (from kingdom point of view.)</div> </div> <div> </div> <div> <form action="https://www.facebook.com/ajax/ufi/modify.php" class="live_289258517930084_316526391751760 commentable_item autoexpand_mode" data-ft="{"tn":"]"}" data-live="{"seq":289299444592658}" id="u_0_27" method="post" rel="async" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> <div class="_5pcp _5vsi" style="margin-top: 10px;"> <span data-reactid=".8" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span></div> </form> </div> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>This was my submission and I call you, our reader to share your opinion:</b></span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">1. These young sisters need help. We are talking about Christian girls here, so my perspective is that the shallowness spewing from several pulpits and Bible Study times, Conferences and so on, is not helping these young ones learn to develop the correct mindset for walking with God. So, at the point of trying to get married, it shows. Yes, many of them are confused. However, no one really has anyone to blame for his or her confusion. So, they need to learn to seek help from godly women and people who can show them the way before the question of marriage or who to marry comes up. Mentorship!        </span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">                                                    </span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">2. Yes, it is possible to court for that long. However, the question is, is it advisable or is it the best? Certainly, long courtship of that length of years should be avoided except when the reason(s) for that long stay or waiting lies squarely outside the control of the intending couple. It could be health, parental and so on. Ordinarily, it is advisable to wait till you are ready for marriage and when you find someone to marry, there is no need to elongate the courtship because the disadvantages are many. So, make it reasonably and acceptably long enough to avoid the negative sides of unnecessary long courtships.                                                                                            </span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">3. During courtship, intending couples quarrel because they are human beings. So, I don't think we should see it as one demonic thing or try to use it to determine whether God is part of the relationship or not. If two people are sincere enough to want to commit their future to one another  they will need to know that there will be some re-shaping on both sides and it is sometimes not as sweet as we would want it to be. This is why marriage is not for boys and girls. Courtship is certainly a good time to test the young man's maturity, his patience, sincerity of love and readiness to care and protect and so on. It is time for the sister to see through the man and decide that she is ready to submit to him at all times and so on. Trying to get our minds re-aligned into these, sometimes, comes with disagreements and yes, times of quarreling. However, what should be a sign that there is something wrong is when their is persistent bitterness, unforgiveness, clear and consistency in deceit or lying, and a great sense of fear or insecurity for the future of the intended marriage. When a time of courtship is bedeviled with consistency in quarreling without genuine reconciliation - no one accepts or takes responsibility and  apologizes and seek forgiveness, bitterness and rubbing shoulders becomes the norm, then, my counsel will be,  carefully negotiate your way out, but that should be after seeking counsel and help from a respected and truly godly person.                          </span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">You may likely have insight into the questions discussed above. Yes, it is possible that your personal experiences may come handy to help several young people that read our Blog. Please, we request that you share your view. Let us have your comments. We consider these issues weighty enough, considering what is happening in our contemporary times. Thank you for sharing.        </span></div>

Quarreling during Courtship, Long Courtship and Confusion in who to Marry: What's your view?

There are questions that came up during a session (seminar) for young people and the convener or host brought it for people to share their ...

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The Wealth of Premarital Counseling – Don’t go without it!

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="full-post-img" style="border: 2px solid rgb(129, 132, 134); margin: 0px auto; outline: invert none 0pt; padding: 3px; text-align: left; width: 510px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: none; color: black; font-weight: bold; margin: 0pt; outline: none !important; padding: 0pt; text-decoration: none;"><a href="http://www.girldefined.com/purpose-girl" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: none; font-weight: bold; margin: 0pt; outline: none !important; padding: 0pt; text-decoration: none;"><img alt="Photo" height="357" src="http://www.girldefined.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Slider.Image_.Just_.Liza_..000.jpg" style="border: none; margin: 0pt; outline: none !important; padding: 0pt;" width="510" /></a></span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Grace and Derrick were so in love. Preparations for their wedding were underway and they just could not wait. They were so excited. A friend asked if they had gone for counseling and they were horrified. Counseling?! For what? They were in love; they had no ‘issues’, everything was going just fine. Counseling was for those who had ‘issues’, right? WRONG!</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Every couple preparing for marriage should plan to spend MANY hours with a good, professional counselor. Contrary to the popular belief that counseling is for those who have problems, just as Grace and Derrick thought, counseling provides much needed guidance and enlightenment on the way ahead.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Let me put it this way, premarital counseling is the mandatory skills training you need in preparation for marriage. It is just like training in an important skill. Imagine needing an operation and finding yourself on the table with a ‘surgeon’ who tells you he has never been trained, he has just watched several operations and is confident he can operate you successfully, you would jump off the table and run for your life, wouldn’t you? The fact that you have watched many marriages does not mean you know how to do this marriage thing. Granted marriage is a ‘learn on the job’ kind of thing, like any vocation, you need some training and you are better off with some guidance before you embark on it.  </span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">By the time adults reach marriageable age, you would expect them to know themselves well and be relatively mature in the way they behave, relate, respond, and make decisions. But you and I know that is not to be taken for granted; it depends largely on how an individual has been brought up and how much care they have taken to develop themselves as individuals. Unfortunately maturity does not come with age. Recently a cousin of mine, whom I had advised to go for counseling, wrote to tell me he had discovered (in counseling) what temperament he is, he explained that it was because he is a sanguine that he did not keep in touch regularly. I was surprised that he had just discovered his temperament but was glad he now felt some kind of liberation from the knowledge he had gained.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Counseling helps individuals to get to know themselves, their personalities, their strengths and their weaknesses. This is information that is vital for partners hoping to live together happily ever after – to know yourself well and know your partner as well. It enhances understanding which is an important ingredient for a happy marriage.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">After a counselor has helped you understand who you are and why you do the things you do the way you do them, they will then help you both to see how you fit with each other in the context of your relationship – soon to be marriage. Courtship provides us with an opportunity to get to know one another well but sometimes we do not even know what questions we should be asking and counseling gives the guidance that couples need to get to know each other better in preparation for a close relationship in marriage. Good premarital counseling helps couples examine together their varying backgrounds, their views, opinions about and experience with elements vital to marriage like values, sex, family relationships, money etc.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Jason and Mildred got married not long after they had got to know each other. They did not see any use for counseling; actually Mildred was advised to go for counseling but Jason refused to go. Today, after three stormy years in marriage, they are receiving counseling. Their counselor says she is taking them through ‘pre-marital counseling’. ‘If only they had dealt with these issues before they got married’, she says, ‘they would not have had the challenges they have had that have caused them both so much pain.’ Thankfully they have chosen counseling and working at it over going their separate ways. </span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Having understood who you are, how you fit together, you are then ready to be guided into the complex relationship called marriage. Premarital counseling examines expectations, roles and responsibilities in marriage, sex, money, parenting, in laws etc. It not only helps you to discuss these and other important elements but also gives you guidance on how to handle them and what discussions and decisions you need to make as a couple to handle them well in your marriage.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Counseling can only be effective if a couple gives it enough time, it is pointless trying to cram a couple of counseling sessions in between wedding meetings and <i>Gusaba</i> and all the other ceremonies that fill the period prior to marriage. A few years ago, I interviewed a Pastor who had a requirement in his church that a couple had to go through counseling starting six months before they planned to get married. I agree with him. You need time to work through and to make it work for you. Needless to say, it is pointless for one person to be receiving counseling alone without their fiancée; you need to be working together – just as you will do in marriage.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Another important point to note is a couple needs to be open and willing to learn and adjust as they go through counseling. These are also important attitudes in marriage so you better start early!</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Let me point out that a couple should be willing to call off a relationship if they discover during counseling that they are ill fitted for each other. It is better to break an engagement than a marriage. Maybe we would have less separation and broken marriages if couples had good premarital counseling. A counselor should be able to advise against a relationship if he/she realizes the couple they are dealing with would do better going their separate ways. That calls for a remarkable level of professionalism and commitment to a couple so make sure you find a counselor who has those qualities. Remember do not spend time and money preparing for a wedding and forget to prepare for the marriage. Your marriage will thank you!</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And if you missed pre-marital counseling for whatever reasons or had it but feel your marriage needs some help, guidance or support, do not hesitate to go for marriage counseling as a couple.</span></div> <div> <br /></div> </div>

The Wealth of Premarital Counseling – Don’t go without it!

Grace and Derrick were so in love. Preparations for their wedding were underway and they just could not wait. They were so excited. A ...

Read more »