Wonderful Pieces of Advice That Will Make Your life Better

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <img alt="Pieces of Advice That Will Make Your Life Better" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1777" height="317" src="http://womanitely.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Pieces-of-Advice-That-Will-Make-Your-Life-Better.jpg?e343f1" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" width="500" /><br /> <div style="margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em; padding: 0px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Unfortunately, in these demanding times people focus mostly on their work. If you think only about your incomes and career development, you will lack time to enjoy family, hobbies and interests. You’ll have a risk to become emotionally poor and miserable person.</span></div> <div style="margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em; padding: 0px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I think no one knows all the secrets on how to have a perfect life, but you should analyze things happening around and listen to your heart. Pay attention to the pieces of advice, given by wise and frank people, instead of feeling sorry for yourself and your failures. The only constant and true thing I believe in is that you should never stop or become disheartened, but if you keep working, you will overcome all difficulties and improve your life. Don’t fear to make some major changes in your outlook. I hope these tips will come you in handy.</span></div> <h2 style="font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; padding: 10px 0px 15px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">1. Try to be more organized</span></span></h2> <div style="margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em; padding: 0px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Have you ever tried to become more organized? If you prefer to live just the way you currently do, then you should be ready to face the chaos in various aspects of your life. Good organization helps you to save time, money and nerves. When you’re not late, you don’t have to run around your house frantic looking for things you need. Furthermore, well-organized people are more efficient in what they are doing. They have everything organized according to their schedule. Plus, you will have more time to do things you enjoy.</span></div> <h2 style="font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; padding: 10px 0px 15px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">2. Smile more often</span></span></h2> <div style="margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em; padding: 0px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Humor and positive vision of the world has always been the main secrets of happy and successful life. Wise people meet various life challenges with a smile on their faces. It’s better to start new things with a positive mood, because those who radiate negative energy are often greeted with negativity every time they do something. If you surround yourself with positive and encouraging friends, you will make a solid, positive progress in your life. Moreover, your magnificent smile can attract new and wonderful people, who will fill your life with bright colors.</span></div> <h2 style="font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; padding: 10px 0px 15px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">3. Read books</span></span></h2> <div style="margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em; padding: 0px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Unfortunately, nowadays many young people find reading less popular than using electronic technologies. Reading has much more benefits because books encourage positive thinking and give your brain a different kind of workout. A collection of good classical books can serve as an engine to your personal development. Reading books broadens your horizons and makes you an all rounded person. Moreover, certain books can even change your outlook and boost your confidence in building strong and healthy relationships with society.</span></div> <h2 style="font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; padding: 10px 0px 15px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">4. Accept guidance</span></span></h2> <div style="margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em; padding: 0px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I know many people who tend to act on their own and disdain guidance, because they don’t like to be underfoot. I think there’s no need to get offended when somebody teaches you or demands something from you. If you take the constructive criticism in cold blood, you’ll easily turn it into your advantage. Don’t get defensive as soon as you get negative characteristics or comments, but treat it as a temporary thing.</span></div> <div> <br /></div> <h2 style="font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; padding: 10px 0px 15px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">5. Do a little bit regularly</span></span></h2> <div style="margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em; padding: 0px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This tip requires you to be patient and persistent, if you want to succeed in something. You should realize that many long term goals cannot b reached in a moment. It may take you from two weeks to a few years to achieve your goals. You should try to find time each day to work on it slowly and steadily until you really improve in a certain field. Moreover, it’s better to take right decisions every day and these small positive changes of your life will lead to great results.</span></div> <h2 style="font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; padding: 10px 0px 15px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">6. Travel</span></span></h2> <div style="margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em; padding: 0px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If you’ve never taken an opportunity to travel abroad, you might have no idea how wonderful the world around is. Traveling teaches you to be more tolerant and acknowledged about life. Just like Francis Bacon once said, “Travel in the younger sort, is a part of education, in the elder, a part of experience.” This unique activity develops your skills in communication and helps you overcome language barriers. Furthermore, traveling can help you get rid of negative thinking. It fills you with positive emotions and changes your outlook.</span></div> <h2 style="font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; padding: 10px 0px 15px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">7. Accept the hurt</span></span></h2> <div style="margin-bottom: 1.5em; margin-top: 1.5em; padding: 0px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I understand that dealing with uncomfortable feelings is a challenging thing since you cannot avoid pain, you can only experience and accept it. What does not kill you makes you stronger. You should start every morning ready to face harsh realities of life and do your best to bring your dreams closer to reality in spite of your problems. Adequate perception of hurt makes you a mature and experienced person.</span></div> <br /> <div class="ssba" style="background-image: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> </div> <br /> <div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 17px; margin: 1.5em 0px; orphans: auto; padding: 0px; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;"> Life is given for you to struggle for your happiness. You should make plans, create schedules, motivate yourself to work for the quality life you deserve. Try to realize that money gives you a great number of opportunities, but doesn’t satisfy your mental needs. Only love, friendship and respect can improve your life. What are your secrets to a better life? Share them with us, please.</div> </div>

Wonderful Pieces of Advice That Will Make Your life Better

Unfortunately, in these demanding times people focus mostly on their work. If you think only about your incomes and career development, y...

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Quick, Simple Tips For Handling Stress

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br /> <img src="webkit-fake-url://E3993845-108E-4A56-980A-418D77B98F8B/imagejpeg" /><br /> <h3 style="margin: 0px 0px 5px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Times of happiness with friends and family is crucial in handling stress</span></span></h3> <h3 style="margin: 0px 0px 5px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Laugh Out Loud</span></span></h3> <div style="margin-bottom: 5px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Feeling stressed about work and family responsibilities? There are plenty of quick things you can do to reduce your tension. Throw a comedy into the DVD player, invite over some friends, and share a few good laughs. Every time you crack up, increased oxygen courses to your organs, blood flow increases, and stress evaporates. In fact, just thinking about having a good laugh is enough to lower your stress hormone levels.</span></div> <br /> <h3 style="margin: 0px 0px 5px;"> <span style="font-size: small;">What Is your Pet?</span></h3> <div style="margin-bottom: 5px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Your pet not only gives you unconditional love, but he's also good for your health. When you pet your dog even for just a few minutes, your body releases feel-good hormones like serotonin, prolactin, and oxytocin. At the same time, it decreases the amount of the damaging stress hormones that are released. That can mean lower blood pressure, less anxiety, and even a boost in immunity.</span></div> <br /> <h3 style="margin: 0px 0px 5px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Clean the Clutter</span></span></h3> <div style="margin-bottom: 5px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Being surrounded by too much stuff can be overwhelming and contribute to stress. It brings on anxiety when you can't find your checkbook, your child's homework, or the utility bill. So de-clutter to de-stress. Tackle a drawer, a shelf, or a tabletop at a time. An uncluttered space can feel satisfying and restorative. As an added plus, spring cleaning is good exercise, burning more than 250 calories an hour.</span></div> <br /> <h3 style="margin: 0px 0px 5px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Mow the Lawn</span></span></h3> <div style="margin-bottom: 5px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Cutting the lawn might sound like work, but the smell of freshly mown grass actually can make you feel more relaxed. Scientists say chemicals from newly cut grass help block the release of stress hormones in the brain. Just remember to wear earplugs to drown out the mower, because too much loud noise can send your stress rate soaring again.</span></div> <br /> <h3 style="margin: 0px 0px 5px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Drink Some Orange Juice</span></span></h3> <div style="margin-bottom: 5px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The tart beverage that already may be a regular part of your morning routine could help you in surprising ways. Researchers say vitamin C may help people manage their stress more effectively, in part by lowering levels of stress hormones like cortisol. As an added bonus, vitamin C-rich foods such as orange juice, grapefruit juice, strawberries, or sweet red peppers can help boost your immune system.</span></div> <br /> <h3 style="margin: 0px 0px 5px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Sing a Song</span></span></h3> <div style="margin-bottom: 5px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Turn up the radio in the car or start crooning in the shower. No matter how out of tune you are, singing can make you feel happier. Choral members who were surveyed said singing put them in a better mood and made them feel less stressed. Singing also can be good for your breathing and posture, as well as your heart and immune system.</span></div> <br /> <h3 style="margin: 0px 0px 5px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Take a Walk</span></span></h3> <div style="margin-bottom: 5px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Exercise is a great way to ease stress. It helps your body produce endorphins -- the neurotransmitters in your brain that make you feel good. It also forces you to focus, helping you forget what's making you anxious. Exercising in warm, sunny weather can boost your mood. And if you walk briskly for at least 30 minutes, you'll meet daily exercise recommendations, and ramp up stress-busting benefits even more.</span></div> <br /> <h3 style="margin: 0px 0px 5px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Chew Some Gum</span></span></h3> <div style="margin-bottom: 5px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Chewing gum can do more than freshen your breath. According to research, chewing a stick of gum also seems to reduce stress and anxiety, as well as improve mental performance during tasks. In one study, not only did gum chewers report they were less stressed, they were also less depressed and less likely to see a doctor for high blood pressure or high cholesterol.</span></div> <br /> <h3 style="margin: 0px 0px 5px;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Have Sex</span></span></h3> <div style="margin-bottom: 5px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This is for married people only. There is no good reason(s) to have sex with someone who is not your legally married spouse. When you're stressed out, getting frisky might be the last thing on your mind. But having sex is actually a great way to relieve tension and ease stress. Sex lowers blood pressure, boosts self-esteem, and increases feelings of intimacy with your partner. It can also help you sleep better, which is a great benefit when you've spent sleepless nights stressing about problems. So, marriage is god afterall.</span></div> <br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Take a Deep Breath</b></span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Aromatherapy isn't just for spas. No matter where you are, taking a deep whiff of lavender or rosemary can put you into a more relaxed state. Inhaling those aromas can lower your levels of the stress hormone cortisol. But just the act of breathing deeply is also a stress buster. Deep breathing sends oxygen surging through your bloodstream, helping to calm your entire body.</span></div>

Quick, Simple Tips For Handling Stress

Times of happiness with friends and family is crucial in handling stress Laugh Out Loud Feeling stressed about work and family respo...

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Confession of a murder suspect: My family notorious for crime

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <header class="post-header cf" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 21px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="featured" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 14px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <a href="http://sunnewsonline.com/new/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/njideka.jpg" itemprop="image" rel="prettyPhoto" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" title="Confession of a murder suspect: My family notorious for crime"><span style="color: black;"><img alt="njideka" class="attachment-main-slider wp-post-image no-display appear" height="336" src="http://sunnewsonline.com/new/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/njideka-702x336.jpg" style="-webkit-transition: all 0.4s ease-in-out; border: 0px; height: auto; margin: 0px; max-width: 100%; opacity: 0.8; padding: 0px; transition: all 0.4s ease-in-out; vertical-align: baseline;" title="Confession of a murder suspect: My family notorious for crime" width="702" /></span></a></div> <h1 class="post-title" itemprop="name" style="border: 0px; float: left; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px 35px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 18px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Confession of a murder suspect: My family notorious for crime</span></span></h1> </header><div class="post-container cf" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="post-content-right" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="post-content description" itemprop="articleBody" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px -1.857em; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“They said that my father used to kill fowl and drink its blood. They told me that he was so notorious in the village that people stigmatized us. I was told that my elder brother was killed mistakenly because he found himself in the company of armed robbers. My second brother was killed over a land issue although the police claimed that he was into kidnapping”, says alleged killer of Lagos business woman, Njideka.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Weeks after a Lagos-based busi­ness woman, Njideka Lizzy Nzewe was murdered in her apartment at Green estate, Amu­wo-Odofin area of Lagos, her supposed boy­friend and only suspect, Kelechi Mokewu has given a chilling account of the notoriety of his family.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The mother of four, aged 39, who was well cele­brated for her exploits in marketing Edmark prod­ucts in Nigeria was said to have been strangled by her younger lover, 33-year-old Kelechi on July 20. He later absconded to Cote d’ Ivoire after spend­ing days in Ghana with her valuables including a Range Rover SUV he stole from her house.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The deceased’s family, however, insists that their sister and Kelechi were only business part­ners and not lovers as widely reported. This and other puzzles are what the police have been work­ing to unravel in a bid to ensure the dastardly act is not ranked among the many unresolved murder cases in Nigeria. Since Kelechi was repatriated to Nigeria from Cote d’ivoire where he was eventu­ally arrested, he has been telling the police more than one reason he killed Njideka.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Manhunt</b></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Shortly after the incident, the Nzewe family alerted the police at Area E command, Festac. From there, detectives led by Dan Okoro, an As­sistant Commissioner of Police, launched a man­hunt for the suspect. Soon after, it was discovered that Kelechi fled from South Africa to Nigeria af­ter allegedly murdering his neighbour over a failed business deal. The Range Rover SUV stolen from Njideka helped in providing information about the movement of the suspect because of the tracking device fitted into it. Kelechi was initially tracked to a church known as the Miracle Revival Church International, Accra, Ghana, where members of the church vividly remembered that he came to the church on Sunday, July 20, 2014 to celebrate God’s mercy upon his life.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“The elders of the church also gave us a state­ment. They told us those weeks before he trav­elled down to Lagos, he came for a special prayer. Everyone was excited when he returned with a Range Rover. In fact, he was used as an example to narrate how God can bless a believer. They also confirmed that he did not spend up to one hour in the church. His excuse was that he just stepped into the country and wanted the pastor to bless his car”, a member of the police team cracking the case told <i style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Saturday Sun</i>.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">His next port of call was the famous Kanthan­manto market, where second hand clothes are mostly sold in Ghana. “We tracked down some of his friends who also confirmed that he was at the market to celebrate his success. He told them that it was his latest lover that bought him a car because he got her pregnant. He bought drinks for them and hurriedly left the market with the excuse that he had a business meeting,” the source added.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">He left his phones on and through that he was able to get tip-offs from his family members and friends on the manhunt for him by the police. “We discovered that family and friends were sending messages to him, threatening that the police was on their way to pick him up in Ghana. Alarmed, he decided to relocate to Abidjan with the same car that had a tracking device. With the aid of Inter­pol, he was picked up at Abidjan where they later handed him over to a team of police detectives from Nigeria.” The suspect was said to have have moved freely across the borders without scrutiny because he was “generous to the security agents at the border posts.”</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Although Kelechi claims that he acted out of rage, facts on ground tend to point to the fact that he prepared for the trip. “If it was not pre-med­itated, he would not remember to pack all his properties and steal from his so-called lover. He also had in his possession, an ECOWAS passport that had Nzewe as his surname. He also ensured that he transferred to the children’s room the vic­tim’s four-year-old son, Mikel who was fast asleep while her mother was being strangled. He did not stop at that but also convinced the security man to take him to the bank where they withdrew money through the late Njideka’s ATM card.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“He also slept in a hotel in Festac till the next day from where he visited a mechanic and ensured that the car was in good state for a long journey. Investigation also revealed that the woman was beaten up and strangled. That explains the foam in her mouth and the stool that was seen on her dress. It appears that he knew what he was doing because he also ensured that he locked the door to enable him to move to safety before Njideka’s body will be found,” the police source further argued.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How it all started</b></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Although Njedika’s family insists that the duo’s business relationship dates back to February 2014, Kelechi claims that they met in Ghana in 2011. “We met at an event in Ghana and I accosted her when I realised that she is not just an Igbo woman but also from Anambra. In 2014, when I returned home to see my mother, I saw her in Nnewi wait­ing for a motorcycle and she was looking much younger and pretty. I introduced myself and we exchanged phone numbers. One thing led to an­other and we became friends. She realised that I would help her with importing most of the goods she had in her shop. It was then that she opened up to me about her estranged marriage and her kids,” Kelechi narrated during an interaction with <i style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Saturday Sun.</i></span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">For months the relationship blossomed before it eventually turned sour. “She trusted me to the ex­tent that anytime she comes to Ghana; she would stay in my house and vice versa. I fell in love with her and was actually serious when I proposed marriage to her,” he said.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Insisting that he mistakenly killed her in a fit of rage, Kelechi claimed that it was a phone call that she received that night that got him annoyed. “As usual, I came down to Nigeria on her invitation. On Friday night, she got home late and I was fu­rious because she refused to pick my call. I con­fronted her and she claimed that her phones were on silent mode. I did not believe that story because I knew that men were disturbing her. I called the number and it rang out, so the story she told me that her phones were on silent mode was a lie. I was boiling in anger when her phone rang; she refused to pick the call. I picked the call, and saw the caller’s name as Ifeanyi. I was mad when the caller who thought she was the one who picked the phone asked to know if she got home safely and that he enjoyed the moments they shared. I was mad and couldn’t control myself again. I broke the phone and she attacked me. She grabbed my manhood while I struggled to free myself from her grip. I had no choice but to strangle her with her cloth; it was when she released my manhood that I knew that she had slumped. I tried to wake her up but realised that it was late,” Kelechi further narrated.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Kelechi’s next account casts doubt on his claim that the attack was not a premeditated crime. Ac­cording to him, as soon as he realised that the deed had been done, he thought of the obvious way out of the problem. “I knew that I was in trouble and the best thing to do was to compose myself very well. I quickly relocated her son who was sleep­ing in the room at the time of the incident back to their room. I picked one or two valuables, packed my bag and picked the car key. I also locked her inside the room, so that I would have gone far be­fore they realise that she is yet to come out of her room. I needed cash and since I did not know the password of her ATM, I contracted the services of the security man. I had observed that she normally sends the young man to withdraw money for her through the ATM. In one of the instances, she had asked me to direct the security man to go on that errand. This made it easy for me to convince him that his madam needed money that she would use to attend night club,” Kelechi said.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">With the help of the security man, they with­drew N100,000 while Kelechi made sure that he observed the password. He drove him home and excused himself again, this time with the ex­cuse that he was to pick one of the late Njideka’s friends who was to join them. “I left the area but could not go far because of a punctured tyre. I had to wait till the next morning and got it fixed”</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Trip to Ghana</b></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The next day after repairing the car, Kelechi in the company of another friend started the journey out of the country. “I knew that the best thing to do was to leave the country. I already had an international passport that had her surname. This made it easy for me to cross all the checkpoints without any arrest, since the documents of the car had her name on it. Whenever I was stopped, I would tell the security opera­tives that the car belongs to my wife. I also withdrew N40,000 before heading to Ghana.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“In Ghana, I needed to cook up a story to justify where the car came from, so it was easy to tell my friends that one of my older lovers in Nigeria bought me the car for getting her pregnant. Initially, I went to the church to ask for forgiveness of my sins but when the congregation saw the car, they were excited. I had no choice but to convert it to a thanksgiving service. Everybody was very happy with me. I also visited the Kanthanmanto mar­ket in Accra, Ghana where I also celebrated with my friends who knew me as a hustler”, he explained.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">On why he had his phones on crossing the borders, Kelechi told <i style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Saturday Sun</i>: “I left my phones on so as to know who called and whether they had discovered her dead body. The text messages that I got alerted me that they already knew my whereabouts. I had no choice but to travel down to Abidjan in Cote d’ Ivoire. I chose that country because I have a girlfriend who is expecting my child.”</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Plea for mercy</b></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Quite aware of what his fate could be, Kelechi broke down sobbing and begging the family of the deceased to forgive him. “I know that I have wronged your family that is why I am beg­ging for mercy. I sincerely loved your sister and her children that was why I was begging her to marry me. I could not stand the thought of another man taking my place. Although she was far older than me, I was ready to fill in the gap as her husband”, he sobbed.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Faulty background</b></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Kelechi began his journey in life in 1983 at Umuoji, Idemili North, Anambra State where he was born into the family of the late Iweobi Mojekwu. He had a troubled life as he grew to know that his father was a terror in our community. <b style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">“</b>They said that my father used to kill fowl and drink its blood. They told me that he was so notorious in the village that people stigmatized us. I was told that my elder brother was killed mistakenly because he found himself in the company of armed robbers. My second brother was killed over a land issue although the police claimed that he was into kidnapping. I do not know their story because I was a kid when all that happened. I lost two of my sisters during childbirth.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“Life was so difficult that I had to drop out of secondary school to start apprenticeship on sale of electrical appliances. Along the line, I was roped into a crime I did not commit, but luckily for me, my mother and my only living sister came to my rescue.”</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">In an attempt to flee from Nigeria and its setbacks, Kelechi claimed that he relocated to South Africa in search of greener pasture. “I was again accused of murder but before they could catch me, I boarded the next available flight to Nigeria. I was ashamed of myself, that was why I quickly moved over to Ab­idjan but war broke out and I ran to Ghana. I started dealing in secondhand clothes. This was how I met Njideka in 2011 in one of her trips to Ghana”, he added.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">He was never her lover but business partner – family</b></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Describing Kelechi’s claim as a lie and a plot to tarnish their sister’s hard-earned reputation and attract sympathy, one of Njideka’s relations and confidant, Christian Mekowulu claimed that he knew about their relationship right from day one. “Njide­ka grew up in my house when their parents died at an early age. I was her confidant and I know of her dealings. Early this year, she called me from Nnewi when she met Kelechi. The story she told me was that Kelechi approached her with a marriage pro­posal and along the line she got to know that he lives in Ghana and could assist her in importing goods for her shop in Lagos.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“My sister was a very industrious person who tried her hands in various trades, just to make both ends meet. He found him to be very reliable after he had assisted her to buy goods. She did not see anything wrong in allowing him to sleep in her house any time he comes to Nigeria. He kept insisting that he wanted to marry my sister and I warned her to beware of this boy who was much younger. The fact remains that ever since she separat­ed from her husband, different kinds of men had asked her hand in marriage. We know that they are all after her money.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“A day before the incident, she called to inform me that she was having issues with the boy. I was shocked when on July 19, her security man called to inform me that my sister was inside her room probably dead,” Christian narrated.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Continuing, he said: “As soon as I got there, we alerted the police who took snap shots of the scene before the door was broken. She was dead. We discovered that after killing my sis­ter, he left with her Range Rover SUV and valuables. It was with the assistance of the police led by ACP Okoro that the boy was tracked down and arrested in Cote d’ Ivoire. I do not know why he decided to kill her knowing full well that my sister was always full of praises for him and was ready to help him be a better man. She was supposed to move over to her new house at 7th Avenue the next day. She had also made arrangements to travel to US with her children on a three-month vacation”, Christian further said.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The immediate elder brother of the deceased, Augustine who is based in Lagos, also claimed that the family does not know Kelechi as their sister’s lover but her business partner. “My sis­ter had told me severally about a man who had been assisting her to import goods from Ghana. The first day I met him was on July 17, 2014. That day my sister and I went to her new house. We were there throughout that day. From there we went to her shop at 23 Road, Festac. He said there is one guy called KC she does business with who lives in Ghana. She said the boy was in his shop and that she would like me to meet him.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“The last time I spoke with her, she told me that she had final­ized plans to move over to her new house. I was shocked when the security man called to alert me that my sister was yet to step out of the room. He said that the children woke up and went to their mother’s room but she didn’t open. He went with them to help them knock on the door but she didn’t open too. After, he went to their neighbour to carry a ladder which he placed near the parlour and climbed the ladder. From there, he saw my sister lying down. I asked him if she was moving her body. He said no. Immediately I stopped eating and took my car and starting driving. I called my cousin and asked him to come to Njideka’s house, that there is something wrong there. I told him am on the way. By the time I got there, he was already there with his younger brother. He said KC had killed Njideka. We went to police station and called the carpenter as well. We took a snap shot of the door capturing the way it’s locked. The carpenter opened the door and I saw my sister lying down with foam in her mouth and nose. She was strangled. We moved the corpse to the police station.”</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Another member of their family, Chinelo Igboatu, who claimed to be her childhood friend and the manager of her gal­lery in 23 Road, Festac, also insists that the affair between the duo was strictly a business relationship.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“We were childhood friends. When she opened the gallery at FESTAC opposite UBA , I was staying on the Island. She called me to come down and manage her gallery. I have been there. I was the one managing the place and this young man whose real name is Ikechukwu Eze had been assisting us to buy goods. The last goods he brought was 365 pieces of children shoes and 65 men and 50 ladies.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“Three days before he killed my sister, he came to the shop on Wednesday because my sister wanted to travel to America. She asked him to come down to Nigeria so that he could bring goods for her. When he came, my sister was not around. I was the only one there. I asked him this one my sister is travelling, will you still bring goods for us? He said yes. Even if my sister spends six months in America, he will still be bringing goods for me. I didn’t know that he had other intentions. He said his eye was on big cars. There is this business he is managing. That if it matures he wants to buy a new car not knowing his plan was to kill her and take her money and her car.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“They were not dating, it was strictly business. Because she trusted the young man, that was why she allows him to stay in her house for few days, whenever he returns to Nigeria to supply us goods.”</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The lady, Njideka</b></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Having lost both parents as a teenager, life was difficult for the Nzewe family. But determined to excel in life and proba­bly get the wherewithal to further her education, she decided to learn a trade. “She started in Onitsha as an apprentice and few months later, she was able to start up her own business. When she relocated to Lagos, she established her own shop at Balogun market where she started by selling footwears and lady clothes. Gradually, she got contacts with importers of GNLD products; this was how she launched herself into the networking business. She tried her hands on different products till she finally joined the Edmark group.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“She also excelled there by winning the highest prize of N37million for her efforts in selling the product. She also at­tended several managerial courses which enabled her to fit into her new line of business which was networking. She normally organised seminars for intending members. In fact, she was very successful and invested in properties. She had just finished her private house and was to pack into the house the day she was killed,” Augustine stated.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">According to him, the late Njideka invested her funds and en­sured that the family benefitted from her generosity. “She was very generous. She had done so many projects including the house that she built for her estranged husband. She had plans to develop a charity home for the underprivileged and had already started building a hotel in Satalite town. My sister was an easy going person that believed that no one has the right to take away her joy”, Augustine said.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Troubled marriage</b></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">On her failed marriage, Augustine argued that his sister could no longer endure the bad side of marriage. “Njideka’s marriage crashed due to irreconcilable differences. She lived with her husband for some time until the man started messing up. I was always called to settle one problem or another and their case was severally reported at the police. My sister was paying all the bills while her husband kept messing around. Even when they wanted to pack out, it was my sister that paid for the new accommodation.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“I did my best to encourage her to manage the outcome of her marriage but her husband was not helping matters. She was blessed with four kids who are all leaving with me at the mo­ment. Till date, the children are not aware that their mother is dead. The eldest, Ifeanyi had asked severally what happened but we told them that she travelled abroad for treatment. I don’t know how long it is going to take but they will get to know the truth. It is rather unfortunate. The first son is Ifeanyi, the twins are Chioma and Chinenye and the last child who is about four years is Mikel”.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">She trusted him- Security man</b></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">According to John Tungwin, the security man, who had lived with Njideka for four years, he never suspected foul play be­cause Kelechi was so calm when he came to meet him. “This was the third time that he visited the house and my madam had so much respect for him. A day before the incident, I went to the new house with her and later came back in the night. She dropped me at the gate and went out, only to return at about 12am on Saturday. She told us to start packing our bags that we will finally move over to the new house.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“About two hours later, Kelechi came out with her ATM card and said that my madam asked me to help her withdraw money. Because madam had sent him to me before, I did not question the demand. On our way back, he told me that he needed to pick a friend who would join them to the club that night.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“When I waited and he never returned, I called him and he said that madam had changed her mind. It was then that I went in to sleep. The next day, Chioma, one of the twins knocked at my door and said that her mother refused to open her door. I called her numbers and they were switched off. Since there was no way she would have left the compound without my knowl­edge, I became worried. I called Kelechi back and he refused to pick my call. I immediately borrowed a ladder from my neigh­bour and peeped into her room. I saw her lying face down.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; margin-bottom: 1.857em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“My madam trusted him and he was so nice to the children. Most especially, when he came to me that night, there was no sign of panic, he was his usual self. I did not even notice that he was observing and getting the ATM pin, “John explained.</span></div> <div> <br /></div> </div> </div> </div> </div>

Confession of a murder suspect: My family notorious for crime

Confession of a murder suspect: My family notorious for crime “They said that my father used to kill fowl and drink its blood. They...

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Ask This One Question And Become a Better Leader

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> By <span class="Authors inc_editable" data-content-id="59736" data-content-type="article" data-editor-class="AuthorListEditor" data-editor-label="Author" data-fieldname="authors" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: inherit;"><a href="http://www.inc.com/author/marshall-goldsmith" rel="author" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">MARSHALL GOLDSMITH</a></span><span class="TwitterHandles inc_editable" data-content-id="59736" data-content-type="article" data-editor-class="AuthorListEditor" data-editor-label="Author" data-fieldname="authors" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: inherit;">  </span><br /> <div class="article-page-deck inc_editable_area" data-editable-area-class="EditableArea" id="deck" style="border: 0px; margin: 10px 0px 2px; min-width: 20px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; width: 640px;"> <div class="article-page-deck inc_editable" data-content-id="59736" data-content-type="article" data-editor-class="InlineTextEditor" data-editor-label="Deck" data-editor-variant="singleline" data-fieldname="inc_deck" id="deck-editable" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; min-width: 20px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: top; width: 640px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b><span style="font-size: large;">By asking people how you could be better, you'll set up a new dynamic with your employees, family, and peers. The hard part is hearing their answers.</span></b></span></div> <div class="article-page-deck inc_editable" data-content-id="59736" data-content-type="article" data-editor-class="InlineTextEditor" data-editor-label="Deck" data-editor-variant="singleline" data-fieldname="inc_deck" id="deck-editable" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; min-width: 20px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: top; width: 640px;"> <div id="narrowArticleHeaderContainer" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <figure class="panographic-image inc_editable_area ArticleMainFigure imageLoaded" data-editable-area-class="ArticleMainFigureArea" id="panographic-image-a" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 16px -28px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="picture inc_editable inc_editable_image" data-content-id="59736" data-content-type="article" data-editor-class="ImageEditor" data-editor-label="Main Image" data-fieldname="image" data-parent-id="wrappercontainer" id="articleheaderimage" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: top;"> <div style="text-align: left;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span></div> <div style="text-align: left;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; vertical-align: baseline;"><img src="http://www.inc.com/uploaded_files/image/970x450/question-marks_38897.jpg" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 668px;" /></span><span style="font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit;"> </span></span></div> <span class="medium large" data-src-x2="http://www.inc.com/uploaded_files/image/970x450/question-marks_38897.jpg" data-src="http://www.inc.com/uploaded_files/image/970x450/question-marks_38897.jpg" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span></div> </figure></div> <div id="toppromo" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </div> <div class="bodycopy inc_editable_area" data-editable-area-class="EditableArea" id="bodycopy" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; min-width: 20px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="article-page-body inc_editable" data-content-id="59736" data-content-type="article" data-editor-class="InlineTextEditor" data-editor-label="Body" data-fieldname="inc_clean_text" id="article-page-body" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; min-width: 20px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: top;"> <div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Soliciting feedback" is just what the words imply. It is when we solicit opinions from people about what we are doing wrong. As simple as it sounds, it is not always so simple. Most people have two problems dealing with negative feedback. This may not sound like many, but they are big problems. The first problem is we don't want to hear it and the second is we don't want to give it.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The reason we don't want to hear it is because negative feedback is inconsistent with our self-image and so we reject it. Did you know that of all the classes I've taught, 95 percent of members believe they are in the top half of their group? While this is statistically impossible, it is psychologically real. Proving to successful people that they are "wrong" is just about as hard as making them change.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The reason we don't want to give feedback is because our leaders and managers have power over us, our paychecks, advancement, and job security. The more successful a person is, the more power they have. Combine that power with the fairly predictable "kill the messenger" response to negative feedback, and you can see why people don't want to give feedback.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">There are some other difficulties with traditional face-to-face negative feedback. Most of them boil down to the fact that it focuses on failures of the past, not positive actions for the future. Feedback can reinforce our feelings of failure, and our reactions to this are rarely positive. More than anything, negative feedback shuts us down. We need honest, helpful feedback, which is hard to find.</span></div> <div class="inlinevideo" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="inline-player-wrap" id="inctv-player-1" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: 0px; margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 30px 0px 360px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="kWidgetIframeContainer" id="inline_kaltura_player_1" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: 390px; left: 0px; margin: 0px; overflow: hidden; padding: 0px; position: absolute; top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 640px;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><iframe class="mwEmbedKalturaIframe" id="inline_kaltura_player_1_ifp" name="inline_kaltura_player_1_ifp" scrolling="no" style="border-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: 390px; margin: 0px; max-height: 100%; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 640px;"></iframe></span></div> </div> <h2 class="inlinevideoheadline" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 8px 0px 8px 125px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Marshall Goldsmith: Leadership is a Contact Sport</span></span></h2> <div class="inline-player-color-notch" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; height: 3px; margin: 8px 0px 30px 125px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; width: 14px;"> </div> </div> <div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">That's enough about what's wrong with feedback. Let's talk about the good stuff. Feedback is very useful for telling us "where we are." Without it, I couldn't work with my clients. I wouldn't know what the people around my client think about what he or she needs to change. Likewise, without feedback, we wouldn't know if were getting better or worse. We all need feedback to see where we are, where we need to go, and to measure our progress along the way. And I have a foolproof method for securing it.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">When I work with coaching clients, I always get confidential feedback from their coworkers at the beginning of the process. I enlist each person to help me out. I want them to assist, not sabotage, the change process. I do this by saying to them, "I'm going to be working with my client for the next year. I don't get paid if she doesn't get better. Better is not defined by me; it is not defined by her. It is defined by you and the other coworkers involved in the process." I then present them with four requests. I ask them to commit to:</span></div> <ol style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; list-style: disc; margin: 8px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 20px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; list-style: decimal outside none; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Let go of the past.</span></li> <li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; list-style: decimal outside none; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tell the truth.</span></li> <li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; list-style: decimal outside none; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Be supportive and helpful--not cynical or negative.</span></li> <li style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; list-style: decimal outside none; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Pick something to improve themselves, so everyone is focused on more "improving" than "judging."</span></li> </ol> <div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">As you contemplate changing your behavior yourself, without my personal assistance, you will need to do this same thing with your colleagues. Pick about a dozen people with whom you've had professional contact--work friends, peers, colleagues--and ask them to agree to these four commitments. When they do, which they nearly always will, you are ready to begin soliciting feedback from them about yourself.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">In my experience, there are a hundred wrong ways to ask for feedback and one right way. Most of us know the wrong ways. We ask people, "What do you think of me?" "How do you feel about me?" "What do you hate about me?" or "What do you like about me?" Think about your colleagues. How many of them are your friends? How many of them really want to express to you their "true" feelings about you, to you?</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A better question (and in my opinion the only question that works) is, "How can I do better?" Variations based on circumstances are okay, such as "What can I do to be a better partner at home?" or "What can I do to be a better leader of the group?" You get the idea. Pure issue-free feedback that makes change possible has to a) solicit advice rather than criticism, b) be directed towards the future, and c) be couched in a way that suggests you are, in fact, going to try to do better.</span></div> <div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; margin-bottom: 0.9em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Finally, when you get the answer, when someone gives you the gift of what you can do to be better, don't respond with your opinion of their advice. It will just sound like denial, rationalization, and objection. Treat every piece of advice as a gift, a compliment, and simply say, "Thank you." No one expects you to act on every piece of advice. Just act on advice that makes sense to you. The people around you will be thrilled</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100% !important; font-family: Vollkorn, 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: -0.01em; line-height: 1.5em;">!</span></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="PageShareContainer" id="PageShareContainerUpper" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100% !important; border: 0px; font-family: KlavikaRegular, Helvetica, Arial, san-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px; padding: 15px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="ShareBox PageShareBox" id="ShareBox-576" style="border: 0px; font-family: KlavikaRegular, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: 12px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline;"> </div> </div> <div id="sponsorlogo" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.235294); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100% !important; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; border: 0px; color: black; float: right !important; font-family: KlavikaRegular, Helvetica, Arial, san-serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 16px; margin: 5px 0px 0px; orphans: auto; padding: 0px; text-align: right; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; z-index: 99;"> </div> </div>

Ask This One Question And Become a Better Leader

By  MARSHALL GOLDSMITH    By asking people how you could be better, you'll set up a new dynamic with your employees, family, and pee...

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