Ten dating mistakes that men always make

<div class="storyHead"> <h1 itemprop="headline name"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-size: small;">When Natasha Devon accepted a friend's challenge to date 60 men in two months, she quickly learnt that nearly all men fall into the same traps</span></h1> <div class="artIntro"> <div id="storyEmbSlide"> <div class="slideshow ssIntro"> <div class="nextPrevLayer"> <div class="ssImg"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><img alt="Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey Deschanel in 500 Days of Summer" height="387" itemprop="image" src="http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02972/500daysofsummer_2972136b.jpg" width="620" /></span><div class="artImageExtras"> <div class="ingCaptionCredit"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="caption">Date night: Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey Deschanel in 500 Days of Summer</span> </span></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="oneHalf gutter"> <div class="story"> <div class="cl"> </div> <div class="bylineComments"> <div> <div class="bylineImg"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><img alt="Natasha Devon" border="0" height="60" src="http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02908/natasha-devon_2908748j.jpg" width="60" /></span></div> <div class="bylineBody"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">By <span rel="author">Natasha Devon</span></span></div> </div> <div class="publishedDate"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">8:11AM BST 15 Jul 2014</span></div> <div class="comments"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><img alt="Comments" src="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/template/ver1-0/i/share/comments.gif" /><a dsqid="10961939" href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/10961939/Ten-dating-mistakes-that-men-always-make.html#disqus_thread" sl-processed="1">88 Comments</a></span></div> <div class="cl"> </div> </div> <div id="mainBodyArea" itemprop="articleBody"> <div class="firstPar"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Eighteen months ago, I was a long-term singleton. I’d decided that my taste in men had become a little too stringent and restrictive (i.e. I always dated the same sort of guy and was left feeling bemused when they kept showing themselves to be scoundrels). So, I was set a challenge by my friends, in hope of changing the status quo – I was to join a dating site and I HAD TO accept every date I was asked on over the next six weeks.</span></div> <div class="secondPar"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A month and a half later I’d been on nearly 60 first dates (and can confirm that it is truly exhausting having to represent only the most palatable aspects of your personality over a prolonged period, I don’t know how the Duchess of Cambridge does it). I dated every type of man you could possibly think of, from every possible profession and background, ranging from 23 to 65 years old. I learned quite a lot about humanity, I like to think.</span></div> <div class="thirdPar"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I also noticed a few common dating faux pas nearly all men make. That’s not to say that aren’t totally understandable……But they’re also massive turn-offs (hence why the sixty first dates only resulted in one second date). So, here they are, my gift to you, single men of Britain:</span></div> <div class="fourthPar"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong></strong></span></div> <div class="fifthPar"> <strong style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">1. Not having a plan.</strong></div> <div class="related_links_inline" id="tmg-related-links"> <div class="headerOne styleThirteen"> <h2> <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Related Articles</span></span></h2> </div> <ul> <li class="bullet"><a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/thinking-man/10831043/Modern-feminism-has-got-it-wrong-about-men.html" sl-processed="1" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="color: black;">Modern feminism has got it wrong about men</span></a><br /> <span class="relContDate" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">15 May 2014</span></li> <li class="bullet"><a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/thinking-man/10953335/Its-time-someone-spoke-up-about-short-men-and-their-anxieties.html" sl-processed="1" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="color: black;">It's time someone spoke up about short men and their anxieties</span></a><br /> <span class="relContDate" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">08 Jul 2014</span></li> <li class="bullet"><a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/thinking-man/10815727/The-internet-isnt-anti-women-its-anti-everyone.html" sl-processed="1" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span style="color: black;">The internet isn't anti-women, it's anti-everyone</span></a><br /> <span class="relContDate" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">08 May 2014</span></li> <li class="bullet"><span style="color: black;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="http://adclick.g.doubleclick.net/aclk?sa=L&ai=B6GYmRQnGU_-UBbGligbRiID4C_b6g6IFAAAAEAEgADgAWKaR_emgAWC35IKFmDCCARdjYS1wdWItMTkxMzY4OTU3MDcxMjY2NrIBE3d3dy50ZWxlZ3JhcGguY28udWu6AQlnZnBfaW1hZ2XIAQnaAWNodHRwOi8vd3d3LnRlbGVncmFwaC5jby51ay9tZW4vcmVsYXRpb25zaGlwcy8xMDk2MTkzOS9UZW4tZGF0aW5nLW1pc3Rha2VzLXRoYXQtbWVuLWFsd2F5cy1tYWtlLmh0bWypArBkFyDbv7w-wAIC4AIA6gIoNjU4Mi90bWcudGVsZWdyYXBoLm1lbi9tZW4ucmVsYXRpb25zaGlwc_gC_dEegAMBkAOMBpgDjAaoAwHgBAGgBh_YBgQ&num=0&sig=AOD64_3UqY8wfbdjXZjtmyJe6Q_AhwzSTQ&client=ca-pub-1913689570712666&adurl=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sponsored/sport/sky-british-cycling/10944282/How-cycling-has-transformed-the-nation.html?WT.mc_id=605825&source=RelatedArticleAd" sl-processed="1">Inforgraphic: how cycling has transformed the nation</a> <span class="relContDate">Sky</span></span></span></li> <span id="mv-related-article-item" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"></span></ul> </div> <div class="body"> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">It doesn’t matter how feminist and independent you believe your date to be, we love a man who is good at decision making. Please do not arrange to meet us at the Tube station and then say, “so, where do you fancy going?” This question fills us with dread. We spent three hours getting ready for this thing. We’ve done our bit. We just want to be taken somewhere nice, please.</span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Bonus points if you say something like “I was thinking about going here as I’ve heard it’s great, unless you had somewhere in mind you’d prefer?” This shows you are decisive AND flatters our feminist sensibilities. We will swoon.</span><br /> <br /> <strong style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">2. Saying “so why is a beautiful girl like you single?”</strong><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This is a stupid question on a couple of levels. First of all it makes us think you’re the sort of bloke who believes the dating game is just one long queue of girls, all of whom are DESPERATE for a boyfriend and are standing in order of physical attractiveness, waiting for the next man to walk past. Life is not the television show Take Me Out and we don’t want to go out with a man who thinks it is. Secondly, it immediately makes us wonder why YOU’RE single, before concluding that you’re probably either a serial killer, one of those guys that has a house full of "love dolls" or secretly married.</span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">We know you’re trying to pay us a compliment and that’s lovely, but just telling us we look nice is fine.</span><br /> <br /> <strong style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">3. Admitting you’re nervous.</strong><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This is the sort of admission that should only ever happen in retrospect. If it’s five years hence, you’re married and you’re having all your other married friends over for dinner one evening then by all means say “you know the first time I took Sarah out I was SO nervous I had to dash to the toilet seven times in the half hour I was waiting for her to arrive”*. This will seem sweet when we know and love you. Before that, however, it’s just a bit weird.</span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">*This example assumes that your partner is called Sarah. Toilet-based anecdotes about girls you dated who aren’t your present girlfriend/wife are almost never acceptable.</span><br /> <br /> <strong style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">4. Acting like you don’t care.</strong><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Having said the above, behaving as though we are utterly disposable and as though this is the sort of thing you do every night isn’t very attractive either. Even if you DO go on dates with different women every night, making us feel special, unique and cherished is the cornerstone of every healthy relationship and also, more short term, the non-negotiable key to getting into our knickers. Things that will make us think you aren’t giving the date sufficient gravitas include yawning, playing with your phone* and turning up in any sort of sportswear.</span><br /> <br /> <strong style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">5. *Playing with your phone</strong><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Put. The. Phone. Away. PLEASE.</span><br /> <br /> <strong style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">6. Asking a question then looking really disinterested as soon as the answer comes.</strong><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Sounds really obvious, but you’d be surprised how many guys do this. It’s as though they’re actually there purely to soak up the ambience of the pub and their date’s company has been requested solely so they don’t look like a Billy No Mates. Do not ask us something, then glance lazily around (especially not at other girls in the vicinity) as soon as we open our mouths to respond. This is not how a conversation is supposed to go and however subtle you think you’re being, we always notice.</span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Call us demanding, but in addition to expressing a verbal interest in our lives, we expect you to stick around in the conversation long enough to hear our response.</span><br /> <br /> <strong style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">7. Saying ‘tell me something about you no one else knows’.</strong><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Right, first of all, we are women and by our nature confessional – there’s virtually nothing that, between them, our Mum, best friend and most trusted work colleague don’t know about us. Secondly, even if there was, we’re hardly likely to share this scintillating fact with someone who was, 14 minutes ago, a complete stranger. Thirdly, this then puts us on the spot to recall something really unusual and ‘zany’ about ourselves, at which point every zany and unusual thing we have ever thought or done will immediately evaporate from our memory and there will be a cavernous, awkward silence during which we will both wish we were dead.</span><br /> <br /> <strong style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">8. Doing the ‘mid-point date assessment’.</strong><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If there is one sentence guaranteed to kill any sort of spark it’s “so, how do you think it’s going?”. We do not wish to analyse this date halfway through it, with you, thank you. We wish to analyse it with our best girlfriends – initially via the medium of text whilst you are in the loo and then further the next evening over several glasses of Pinot Grigio.</span><br /> <br /> <strong style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">9. Bad-mouthing other dates you have been on.</strong><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">This is the dating equivalent of being the office gossip who spend their days spreading spurious personal information from desk-to-desk and then wonders why they aren’t invited to the pub at six o'clock. Your dating horror stories are fascinating and we will be enthusiastic because we really, really want to hear them. But we’ll also then immediately be on our guard, wondering if this date is a future anecdote for another date you might go on.</span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If you’re interested in watching in horror as someone second-guesses each word that comes out of their face in case it’s used to incriminate them at a further juncture, may I suggest instead watching Question Time.</span><br /> <br /> <strong style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">10. Talking about your ex/Asking about her ex</strong><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Ah, the holy grail. We all know we shouldn’t do it. Every magazine article, dating manual and wise older person has warned us against this particular pitfall for as long as we can remember. Yet for some reason I was asked about my ex on approximately 80% of the dates I went on and, as a direct consequence, I actually ended up missing my ex a little bit.</span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">To be avoided. At all costs.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And here’s some "dos":</span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- SMILE! - It doesn’t cost anything and it makes you look sexy.</span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- Insist on paying - A controversial one, this. We’re always happy to go halves or even to pay for the whole thing BUT if you absolutely insist we’ll assume you’re having deeply loving feelings towards us.</span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- Walk us to the station/put us in a cab/in some way show that you are bothered about what might befall us during our journey home.</span><br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">- Text immediately you get in to say what a lovely night you had - Even if it’s a lie. It’s just British good manners.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Et voila. Happy dating, fellas!</span></div> </div> </div> </div>

Ten dating mistakes that men always make

When Natasha Devon accepted a friend's challenge to date 60 men in two months, she quickly learnt that nearly all men fall into the sa...

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